So, after tomorrow I will have completed my first week of classes. I actually had a good time. The only downside is working on Thursdays, other than that I think my good time could be turned into a great time. Alas, I don’t know how to get out of my job and into a job I enjoy. My mom always makes me feel bad about wanting to leave. “You won’t find a job that pays you as well nor with as good hours. I’m so jealous you get to work downtown for your first job. All other teenagers would kill to have this as a summer job. I really don’t understand why you don’t like it. Can you try and explain to me why you don’t like it? You get to sit in front of a computer all day and get paid! Wow, you’re lucky.” I would like to see her try. It’s torture. I’m so irritable and I have been ever since I started. Mike sees it for what it is and knows that this job is not right for me or I wouldn’t be so exceptionly cruel to everyone. I snap at people and I’m always tired. I feel awful when I treat others badly. Especially Mike because he never deserves it and yet he is so unwaveringly patient with me. My mom just thinks that I’m taking it out on her and that I treat her like dirt. ARRGH! I guess she doesn’t know all the nice things I say about her people about her and how well we get along. We really do. We joke, shop, and go for long times without fights. I do her hair and we value each others opinions. But, if we have one little spat she bawls her eyes out and says I have no respect for her and that I should try to be more sensitive to her feelings. If she has a bad day she’ll blow up at anything and then sulk the rest of the evening looking for fights. If I have a bad day and say I don’t want to talk about it because there is nothing to say then she pries and pries until I yell. Then she gets upset and tries to act the victim and say that I’m taking it out on her. I even warn her now if I’m in a bad mood so that she will leave me alone so that we won’t fight. But she persists to annoy me. Somehow she turns everything on herself. Now, I realise that that almost makes ME sound selfish but I am not the only one aware of this. Father knows and Mike has been in my house enough that he too has seen these patterns. In fact the same things that irk me, irk him too. Just he can leave and I can’t. I think that she just doesn’t want me to grow up and it has become more pronounced lately. It still isn’t helping my moods and in fact I’ve gotten worse lately. Work was awful today and I was on the verge of tears all day. It’s not my period because I just had it last week. Goodness, this journal took a wrong turn. I am sincerly sorry to whoever reads this. I just got carried away. I’m just so frustrated and at my wits end. Please pray for me because praying alone makes me feel, well…alone.
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Oh Piper Darling! I feel for you!Take heart because I will pray for you every day. Everyone needs to vent somewhere! I miss you so much and I’ll make sure I pray for the job dilemma.Hey, Yesterday I saw a squirrel hang upside-down from a tree with it’s back legs and throw(or drop) an nut at a truck below! It was really entertaining and I was laughing so hard about it but no one else thought it was funny. I don’t remember where this was going….Oh yeah! I was going to say that in some twisted way I know how it feels to have people not understand how you are feeling. (It’ a stretch, I know, but it was all I could think of at the moment; so work w/ me!) I love you!
~Dione
You are preaching to the choir, man! I hate it when people keep on bothering you about why you are in a bad mood when CLEARLY you don’t want to talk about it … if you did want to talk, you would, you know? I know you know, because we have had this conversation before! haha. I really miss you (and Michael … ahh the perfect guy haha) and everybody else. Well, i am about to write an e-mail to you so i guess, ttyl! haha!